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How to attract men

Internet radio. I’m not joking. Pop along to your local electrical store, start browsing the Roberts wifi radios and just wait to see how men will flock to you. That was certainly my experience this weekend.

Shop no 1. An American gentleman struck up conversation and proceeded to follow me around the display. I learned that he was suffering from a chest infection, had just had his 60th birthday, had lost 12 stone last year, suffers from diabetes, and likes to pick up pairs of gifts in January for his children’s stockings – presumably next Christmas. I couldn’t help wondering how come his presumably well-grown kids are still getting stockings but I guess that’s a cultural difference. In the midst of gleaning all this information, I managed to figure out that my preferred model was the Roberts 83i but, sadly, it wasn’t in stock so I bade farewell to the American and proceeded with some haste to Shop no 2.

Shop no 2 didn’t stock the Roberts models but had a Pure Evolve and a Logitech Squeezebox. As I fiddled about with the Pure Evolve, gentleman no 2 approached. That Evolve is over-priced he told me, you can get it for nearly 100 euro cheaper online. But the Logitech, he says, is better value and he’s a huge fan having bought one a couple of weeks ago. Clearly, he loves it so much he’s now lurking in the shop offering unsolicited advice to single women such as myself. Still, it was an interesing and persuasive conversation as a result of which I took a much closer look at the Logitech and found I preferred it to the Roberts 83i. Sadly, the Logitech wasn’t in stock either.

Shop No 3. This time, I was fully expecting another approach and, sure enough, within 2 minutes of arriving at the wifi radio display I was joined by gentleman no 3 – a Roberts fan well versed in current discounts. He pointed out that the 83i has a woofer at the back. (I wouldn’t actually know what that is but clearly it’s something to be desired) and that it has two speakers at the front making for better sound. He also says it looks more solid and classier – which is funny, cos the guy in shop no 2 didn’t think it was particularly classy at all. In fact, gentleman no 2 thought the Roberts and the Pure Evolve were both a bit ugly. Gentleman no 3 was interrupted by a sales assistant. I hesitated – not wishing to reject outright the Roberts in front of such an admirer yet knowing my heart is set on the Logitech Squeezebox. Feigning an interest in toasters, I lured the salesman away before quietly asking about the Logitech. You’ve guessed it, of course, it’s out of stock.

Clearly, I’m late to the wifi radio party and it’s no suprise they’re sold out everywhere if my experience is anything to go by.  I’ve decided I wont’ be buying a wifi radio at all but I will continue to shop for one every weekend. It seems it’s the new way to attract men.

 

One comment   Humour, Technology   , , , ,  

Wisdom, Women and the Royal Wedding

© Mikhail Blajenov | Dreamstime.com

Someone told me recently that menopause rewires the brain. I don’t know if it’s true, but I do know age brings a good deal of wisdom. Whether wisdom is an appropriate consolation for aching joints and out of kilter hormones is not yet clear. Perhaps over the coming years I will be able to make a better judgment.

It’s certainly nice to feel calmer but, in the week when the whole world seems obsessed with Prince William and Kate Middleton’s impending nuptials, I can’t help feeling a bit of out of touch with the mood of the nation. Don’t get me wrong. I’d welcome the day off from work and I’d even be happy to bake a Victoria sponge for a street party. Of course, I’d have to look up the recipe in Mrs Beeton’s book. Now there’s a woman who knew a thing or two about wisdom. To take Goldsmith out of context and slightly misquote him - “and still they gaz’d and still their wonder grew, that one small head could carry all she knew”.

 

 

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Menopause Survival Kit

Ten essentials for Menopausal women

This list is deliberately unpunctuated so as to mislead you as to my actual age – if you don’t understand this point you may be too young to read the rest of the list

  1.  iPod – there are times when you need to tune the world out
  2. Hand cream – hands reveal age too quickly
  3. Decent and comfortable shoes – because contrary to the previous point, the feet are actually the first thing to go
  4. Trainer heels – because contrary to the previous point, you don’t necessarily want to end up in flats for the rest of your life
  5. Assorted sanitary protection – we know not where nor when
  6. Comfort balm – take your pick – mine is Origins Peace of Mind – a little dab to the back of the neck does wonders to restore the equilibrium
  7.  A sense of proportion – or failing that, a sense of humour
  8. A cranky ‘free pass’ because crankiness goes with the territory so don’t beat yourself up if you fall victim now and then
  9. Wet wipes – because it’s not always possible to take a shower in the middle of the working day  – nor, indeed, is it possible to travel with a bed fan
  10. Credit cards – if all else fails, retail therapy will usually provide a modest lift
One comment   Hand cream, Humour, Menopause, Perimenopause, Shoes   , , ,  

The Complimentary Menopause Diary

At this time of year there is no shortage of free diaries. Just about every institution you do business with will want to share a diary or calendar with you – at least that is the case on this side of the world. The mere mention of a calendar reawakens my disappointment at being omitted from the 2010 Pirelli Calendar despite my investment in their very fine tires more than once in 2009 but that is a post for another day. Today it is the turn of the complimentary diary and I begin by confessing that I have had my corporate hands on such a beast in the making over the last couple of months. The process is reaching fruition and my delighted clients will soon own their very own example of the finest that fake leather has to offer. But today, at that moment when you hit send and wonder if you got it wrong, I had a moment’s panic about the Complimentary aspect. What if I misspelled it? What if I raised expectations of an entirely different kind of diary – the kind of diary Snow White’s mother might have wished for? Diary Diary on the Desk, who is the fairest? And it dawned on me what an enormous opportunity I have missed to create the Complimentary Menopause Diary. Here is yet another idea for my menopause inventions wishlist. It would go something like this:

January: 
You are looking somewhat flushed this month my dear, but rarely I have I seen you look more fabulous.

February:
Have you lost weight darling? I think you have.

March:
I love what you’ve done to your hair.

April:
After a whole first quarter of appointments, I can honestly say you are the finest looking woman I have seen in my corporate travels

May:
Never mind the financials, the only figure worth bothering about around here is yours.

June:
Now that summer’s in the air, you are the corporate lass most fair

July:
How hot are you this month my dear!

August:
Ah the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness dawns and who more mellow and fruitful than my menopause mistress?

September:
An Indian Summer is the perfect time to enjoy a little mature wine in the afternoon sunshine. You are the finest wine in the cellar this month – by far.

October:
Ignore all talk of broomsticks, take flight this month on your wings angel.

November:
As winter chills the air, the whole world finds the menopausal woman more fair

December:
Holiday season and all I want for Christmas is a menopause babe like you

The the ideal version of this diary would be like the newspaper in Harry Potter where the pictures move – except in this version, each month would have a mirror, and each mirror would show a progressively more beautiful and less lined you.

Oh the grief when I think what I could have created instead of the dull, predictable little pocket diary that will wing its way towards some of you, my readers, later this month.

Entrepreneurs take note, another free idea courtesy of yours truly, Izzy Muses.

2 comments   Humour, Menopause   , ,  

Change is Possible

William Butler Yeats was hardly thinking about menopause when he wrote:

All changed, changed utterly
A terrible beauty is born

Or was he?

In my mother’s day, menopause was rarely mentioned – but women spoke in hushed tones about ’the change’ and everyone knew what they were on about. Today, we’re less coy about the words but I am not sure we are any more up front about acknowledging the experience – not least because it exposes us to risk professionally and perhaps also personally. But that’s a subject for another day.

Change has been in the air all round today. From the parking machine that told me it was okay to pay with notes because ‘Change is possible’ to the the announcement system  on the commuter train that said ‘Change Here’ . It struck me what tremendous fun it would be if the passengers took the instruction literally. Princes might revert to their frog like state. Sedate matrons might turn into giddy schoolgirls. Menopausal dames might become Germanic goddesses en route to Valhalla. Sober business gents in their pinstripe suits might break out and breakdance in the aisles. What a fantastic spectacle and how much more interesting the journey into work would be each morning. Ah yes, changed utterly, a terrible beauty is born ;)

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